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Nongooglephobia

July 11, 2006

1) n. An irrational fear that friends and past lovers have never plugged one’s name into an Internet search engine out of curiosity; an instance of this. Nongooglephobe. Org. unknown.

We all Google people we’re curious about, right? What’s more, we all expect that at some point we’ll be Googled. Hell, the more vain among us will work quite extensively to leave our digital footprints out there for Web seekers to stumble across (like writing one’s own IMDB bio, for instance). But, what if you spent all this time building up a nice four-figure search result for yourself only to lie awake at night worrying that there’s no one out there Googling your name?  

I wonder – as I Google every girl on earth I’ve had the slightest crush on – how many lasting impressions have I made with those around me? How many people from my past feel I warrant a Google search? This question haunts me, you see, because so many aspects of my life have ended in unsuccessful connections with people. My ex-girlfriend used to say I do it to myself, that if I would only make an effort to open up, things would change.

I can’t say I agree with her completely, but then there’s a reason she’s my ex.  

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