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This Is Self-Loathing

December 9, 2009

***

IT’S WHEN you think you’re too ugly
to appreciate beauty.

It’s when you have a dry mouth
but you haven’t been smoking weed.

It’s when being rude at the supermarket feels like bloody murder.

It’s when you can’t figure out why people hang out with you.

It’s when you think you’re shaped like a pear, or a pork chop,
or some unflattering dairy product.

It’s when you always take more than the recommended dose.

It’s when you think you deserve the disease.

It’s when you listen to the Violent Femmes because that one song reminds you of a lovely day in your girlfriend’s bedroom before your heart got all scabby.

It’s when you feel dirty after a shower.

It’s when you feel like a pervert after an orgasm.

It’s when the things that turn you on become the things you hate.

It’s when you shop at Ikea.

It’s when you break mirrors or can’t stop staring into them.

It’s when the tiniest flaw swallows your face.

It’s when you blame yourself for the aging process.

It’s when you can’t stop playing the conversation in your head.

It’s when you’re really quite normal.

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4 Comments leave one →
  1. Carolina Maine permalink
    December 21, 2009 4:44 am

    Damn! I love this! I see a blog poem highlight in the future–perhaps tomorrow?

    You just wrote about my life right there!

  2. kate permalink
    February 5, 2010 5:14 am

    It’s so true about IKEA. When you’ve decided to eat their meatballs, you’ve truly fallen into the abyss.

    I’d also add, “When you dress like a Seattleite and don’t see a problem with it.” However, don’t tell anyone it’s me who said that.

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